Friday, January 18, 2008

(untitled 213)

It's safe to say that this is easily the worst I've ever felt after finishing a day of school. The students in my fourth period class weren't mean like my English classes were, but just rude. Every time I started talking, they just started talking right along. Even when I stopped the class to tell them to quit it already, they would keep talking while I was telling them to shut up. I felt like I was being ignored entirely and treated as less than a human. It hurt, and when I stopped the class at the very end it took just about everything I had not to just sit down and cry. (I haven't cried since eighth grade. That was nearly eleven years ago.) My head hurts, my heart aches, my stomach feels like it wants to crawl up through my throat, I'm exhausted, and Pandora playing Doves at me isn't helping any. I felt completely miserable. (notice the lack of parallel structure there! different tenses! conflict! can we expect resolution? yes!)

And yet (see! resolution!), when one of my students from an earlier class came in to ask about a problem with his grade, not only was I helpful and friendly, but I sincerely wanted to help him out. All of the earlier insanity was completely forgotten. I wanted to do anything I could for him.

As insane and emotionally masochistic as this career seems on the surface, it's the right place for me. One way or another, that keeps being confirmed for me.

5 comments:

L'Afro said...

This is a pat on the back. For you.

Brian, Audrey, and Greta said...

You hadn't cried since 8th grade? Man, I think I cried at just about every job that I've ever had. I don't think I could handle being a teacher. Props to you.

ambrosia ananas said...

What a rough class. I'm sorry.

DiaNe said...

Hmm...the only advice I can give you is easily put in one word.

Taser.

Lisa B. said...

teaching is tough, and it requires toughmindedness from the teacher, which is tricky to pull off without just becoming a plain old asshole. Which I have complete faith in you that you will not. Become one. An asshole, you see. Not you. You'll be one of the good ones. I can tell.