Sunday, January 21, 2007

(untitled 128)

I was crossing the street near my apartment the other night when I saw a car coming in the distance. I don't think of myself as a particularly morbid person, but my mind jumped to the possibility that this car was going to hit me, or at least steer toward me and try to hit me. Obviously, I needed to be prepared for this possibility. I imagined myself leaping toward the curb as the car smashed into the fence. My heart still pounding, I look through the shattered windshield to see what maniac would swerve so far out of their way to hit me. The door flies open, sending my heart rate back through the roof. The driver, his head bloodied by the impact, steps out of the car, pulling a handgun from within his jacket and aiming it directly at me. I hit the ground as a bullet flies past me. In an instant, I realize that I need to wrest this gun from the madman; he's clearly not going to stop at anything to kill me. I make my way toward him, dodging the hail of bullets he's firing at me. The police arrive to see me with his gun, insisting that I don't want to shoot, but I will if he tries anything funny. How am I going to explain this to the police?

All of this takes place in the five seconds it takes for me to step onto the sidewalk and start moving around the fence.

I excel at creating imaginary situations. I imagine I'm not the only one. However, I'm probably among the small minority that feels that I have to be prepared to deal with these same imaginary situations. I go to great lengths to plan out my reactions. I wouldn't want to be unprepared in case a hijacker wanted to kill me. These situations aren't limited to near-death experiences, though. I also have to prepare for women to walk up to me and profess their undying love. How do I let them down gently? Alternatively, if these are women I'm interested in, how do I respond in a way that's dashing and debonair?

Mine is a hard life, really. I have so many realities to deal with.


Genuine Draft said...

I do the same thing actually.I have a scenario for most things - burgleries, car jackings, etc. Wednesday's was a hit and run accident where I calmly called my sister to tell her I was in the middle of the street bleeding with a broken everything and could she please come and take me to the hospital?

Anonymous said...

I do the same thing. The most morbid I get is when I'm walking home at night thinking about what would happen if someone tried to rape me.


bawb said...

Belcinisimo recently blogged about morbid daydreams too, actually.

And yeah, I'm constantly imagining someone coming in through the window at night, especially since we started penning Shelby.

Melyngoch said...

And what would you do if a beautiful woman tried to run you over with her car in order to profess her undying love?

ChillyGator said...

I do that a lot too!

Just today, actually! Yesterday I had a horrible migraine and it wasn't gone today (which made work fun). Imagining the worst possible scenario I am now convinced I have brain clouds.

Also when tracting I was always preparing for something to happen to my companion (usually a broken leg) where I’d have to help her while not letting her out of my sight (because that would break the rules). Luckily she didn’t break anything and eventually I stopped worrying. Just my luck, my very last companion fell down while jogging and sprained her ankle. Go figure.

RaMina said...

i have that problem too actually. i always thought i was alone on that one.

quick, i'm declaring my love for you! be debonair!


Olympus said...

I generally always tried to plan things that wouldn't impair my fun too much. For instance, after my daydream about getting shot in the knee in a parade block in band, I kept trying to change it, so that even with my injury, I could still dive and I could still play the piano. Nothing too hard to deal with, you know.