Monday, January 08, 2007

(untitled 124)

I know too much for my own good.

I know that sounds arrogant, but it's going to grab your attention, which is why I put it first. Based on certain recent events and conversations, I'm learning that I know a lot about what I want in life, and what a bad thing that is for me. I'm referring here to the arena of dating, something that's been on my mind increasingly over the last few months. As I date more and more women, I find more traits that I'd like to have in my future wife. One ex-girlfriend taught me the value of straightforwardness (two, actually). One taught me that I can't be around someone who thinks I'm smarter than she is. Another taught me how important sarcasm and wit are, and still another taught me just how much my emotions really matter to me. Every time I associate with a woman, I make a mental note as to what traits I am and am not looking for.

Clearly, this is what dating is all about. It's a trial run, of sorts. It's very similar to trying on different articles of clothing and seeing what fits. If you find a pair of straight-cut jeans that don't quite fit, you wouldn't go out of your way to buy another pair of them. (No pun intended.) If you don't quite like the way you look in a turtleneck sweater, you won't buy any in the future. To me, dating is the same way. The problem lies in the fact that I tend to reject women in my mind before giving them a fair shot because they don't match up with my list. I probably miss out on some great opportunities this way. I might meet an attractive woman with a nice smile, quick wit and keen intellect, but if she listens to Rascal Flats, she's done for. (No offense to those of you who listen to Rascal Flats - country music just has a negative place on my list. Indie rock, however, earns one a lot of points.) This might be the same as my refusing to wear jeans because I don't like the way one pair worked for me. Most might not work for me, but there might be one pair that would do wonders that I'm refusing to give a chance.

I don't wear jeans, in case you were wondering. I also don't date those who don't like my style of music.

I've found women, recently, who have met nearly every qualification I've got on my list. Both of them stomped all over my heart - one inadvertently and one unwittingly. Despite all the time I've spent creating this elaborate list of characteristics The One is going to have, it just doesn't seem to be working. The more I try to think things through, the worse my situation seems to get - and that's a statement I'm not restricting to the dating world.

It might be time I gave jeans another try. I am going to insist that they be straight-cut, though, and this time the pun is intended.


alishka babushka said...

i once heard from a young woman's leader that lists don't usually work and most people find themselves marrying people exact opposite of their list. this brings into play the infamous President Kimball quote of "Soul mates' are fiction and an is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price."
so there you go. just date around...and you'll find the girl that you'll be able to have a successful marriage with. and that's my two cents. thanks for your blog...i enjoy reading it.

krebscout said...

It's good to see you writing, friend.

You know, there are plenty of girls who just need to be introduced to good music. Go forth and spread the word.

Whistler said...

What's a straight-cut girl?

the pope said...

I have noticed a general trend among my many recently married friends. Most of them end up saying, "he's different than all the other guys I've ever dated." And I guess that is why they chose that guy and NOT "all the other guys." As I am still single though, I cannot testify to the truth of this statement, but just offer my observation that it generally applies. It also lends weight to the adage that love comes along when and where you least expect it.

flippin said...

I believe I once tried on a pair of jeans with the legs sewn shut (following the analogy, of course). I'll be rooting for you. And I'll be rooting for me.

Cathryn said...

What are you doing Friday?

Just kidding. (Mostly.)

Good luck with your search, and I mean it. She's out there. :)

Tolkien Boy said...

You've had four ex-girlfriends?

Wow. And you're how much younger than I am?

I, personally, think you're doing pretty well.

flippin said...

Sorry...I was also reminded of this.

lanada said...

1) i commented already but clearly it did not stick. hmph. take two...

2) a friend of mine tried to date a rascal flatts fan. it did not work out. lesson learned? i hope so.

3) you should wear jeans.

4) list items are sometimes much more flexible than you expect. just don't compromise on the truly important ones, like "makes me want to be a better person" and "doesn't like rascal flatts."

5) glad you are back.

kirsa said...

I love jeans. I have become convinced that there is a pair of jeans for everybody, it just takes awhile for some people to find a kind they like (and I am, in fact, talking strictly about pants here). So durable, so washable, they're great for cleaning, painting, gardening, cooking, and generally grunging around. I can wipe my hands on my pants and not worry about it. So, I highly recommend continuing the search for a pair of jeans which you might like.

Katya said...

This is an interesting topic, and it's one that I've thought about a fair amount. On the one hand, if you've got high standards then you'll minimize "wasting" time on girls who aren't right for you, which not only saves time and money but it could also save you from being discouraged about not being able to find the right girl.

On the other hand, you run the risk of wrongly ruling out girls that you actually might like by being too strict about your standards. It's an issue of good judgment (both of yourself and of the potential mate), and the tricky thing about judgment is that if you've got bad judgment, then you don't know you do, by definition.

I think there's also the issue of how much you like dating and socializing, to begin with. If you really like dating, then you might want to ask lots of girls out, even if you think they're not exactly your type. I, on the other hand, hate, hate, HATE dating, so I don't see any reason to spend what will almost certainly be a miserable evening with a guy I'm not really interested in.

Melyngoch said...

So you don't date boot-cut women?


Amber said...

I've had a few "list" experiences:

1) We had a couple of YW lessons that we concluded by making "the list" (which, by the way, made local dating prospects seem all the more dismal)

2) At BYU, people kept sharing undocumented advice from BKP to "throw the lists away"

3) Just before or just after breaking up with someone, or sometimes just for fun, I would periodically make "the list" in my journal - and gleefully snicker at how BKP would never know.

Interestingly, I'm not sure that there was much distinction between these various lists...maybe some things were different, I don't remember.

When I met my husband, I don't think we had everything that was on each other's lists. It was pretty close, though. Those naysayers who would condemn me to marry someone who was the opposite of my list were wrong. Bwah-ha-ha-ha!

Also, I was surprised at how adaptable people are, in ways you may not expect. But, that's just me.

Lists are lists, and people are people...enjoy them both, but don't get them confused.

her said...

lol, it's Rascal Flatts, with two t's. And, while I listen to them, I certainly don't insist anyone else should. I lucked out and am living with a country girl like myself, but if I wasn't, it probably wouldn't be played as often (or as loudly).
And besides, I'd rather listen to Rascal Flatts than that stupid 'bling-bling' rap ANY day. YUCK!